You Eat It
by Mixer18
Summary: This is the result of too much free time and some expired food. Does hilarity follow? I say yes.


_What is about to occur is the result of combining too much arrogance with a daring attitude. The plot is borrowed from the episode of The Simpsons where Bart dares Homer to eat baking soda that came with the house._

The alarm clock sounded rudely, telling Crow to wake up. "Five more minutes…." he told the clock. It didn't answer, rather continued to buzz. "Alright, alright. Geez," Crow grumbled. He rolled out and sauntered to the kitchen. "'Bout time you got up," a cocky voice greeted the former thief. "Shut it Jack," he fired back. "I was out all night, and now I'm hungrier than an elephant." After a few sips of tea, Jack said, "Check the fridge."

"Alright then, what's there to eat in this shack?" he began to list. "Meat log: no. Yusei's chicken wings: maybe." He continued to ramble, going through everything in the refrigerator, until he came across something….moldy. "What in the world is this?" Crow questioned as he pulled a container which was pale green on the inside. Jack came up with an answer. "I think it is leftover sour cream or yogurt or something." Crow sniffed it and gagged as a reflex. "How long has this stuff been in here?" he coughed. All Jack could do was shrug.

"OK then, what do we do with this stuff?" Crow asked as he and Jack stared at the yogurt/sour cream on the counter. "Simple: toss it," Jack offered as a solution. "Nope," Crow said with a mischievous smirk, "someone's got to eat it." Once that phrase was uttered, Jack's signature apathetic expression morphed into one similar to Crow's.

The two went out on the streets to see if someone will try the long-expired dairy product. It took them a while until the first victim could be found: the ever-gullible Trudge. "Hey, check it out," Crow pointed out, "let's get that guy to eat it." They ran up to the officer, shouting his name. "Alright, who's yelling my---- oh, it's you two," Trudge recited as Crow and Jack got closer. "We have something for you to try," Jack told the cop as Crow held out the container. Trudge sniffed it and gagged like Crow did the first time. "Forget it you jokers," he bellowed as he walked away. The imaginary light bulb lit up over Crow's head, signifying an idea. "Very well then," Crow said, "you missed out on a chance to impress Mina." The officer's ears twitched at Mina's name and raged back to where Jack and Crow were standing. "Gimme that!" he commanded the two as he scooped up the expired dairy with two fingers. Trudge licked his fingers clean and looked coldly at a snickering Crow and Jack. "What's so funny you two?" the cop asked before his stomach made a strange gurgling sound. He dashed over to a nearby trash can and began to vomit uncontrollably. "Success!" the jokers cheered as they high-fived each other.

The rest of the day included hit-and-miss opportunities to trick people. When the sun descended in the sky, Jack and Crow began to tread home. It was relatively quiet, until Crow decided to up the ante. "Jack," he said with a teasing tone, "I've got an idea." With a scoff, Jack asked, "What?" A clearing of his throat later, Crow laid out his idea. "We've gotten a lot of people to eat this stuff. Now what would you think if both of us tried this stuff?" A quizzical expression shaped Jack's face. "What'd you have in mind?" the former king asked. "Simple," Crow began, "we each try a bit of this stuff. Whoever vomits first has to work on the other's ride for a week." Jack puffed out his chest and stated, "I never back down from a challenge." He and Crow scooped the dairy with their fingers. "One, two, three, ingest!" Crow issued as he and Jack tasted the mystery product. What followed was an intense stare-down between the two, seeing who would crack first. Jack's face was motionless, while Crow smiled with confidence. One minute passed before a winner was decided. Jack held his stomach in pain and ran off to a nearby alley to throw up. As Jack was throwing up, Crow spit something green out of his mouth. It was the dairy product; Crow never swallowed it. He walked up to a still-vomiting Jack and patted his back. "Looks like I won. As soon as you're done here, get busy on my runner, monkey," Crow gloated as he walked away. Once Jack was finished, he exhaled, "I'll get you back Crow. I swear it."

_I had this idea floating around for a while. I didn't want to make it longer than it had to be. Plus, if you want see Jack get Crow back, I'll need enough support to spin the tale._


End file.
